It’s 10:00pm, why are you awake?

It’s 10 PM—I should be in bed.

The sound machine hums at full capacity, the baby is asleep, and the dogs are curled up for the night. The airbnb is finally still.

But instead of sleeping, I find myself wide awake. Because this—this small window of time—is the only part of the day that is truly mine.

I know the consequences. Nora will be up at 7:30 AM sharp. No snooze button. No lazy morning in bed. Just an instant shift back into the rhythm of being needed. But right now, I get to choose what to do with these quiet hours.

Some nights, I sink into my phone, scrolling mindlessly until I realize I should have gone to bed an hour (or more) ago.
Other nights, I power through emails and projects, grateful for uninterrupted work time.
Then there are nights when I actually take care of myself—shower, water, snack, bed.
And sometimes, I just sit in the quiet, letting my thoughts spill onto a page, because I need to process them somewhere.

Most nights, I try to do all four.

But tonight? Tonight, my eyes are heavy. I’ll choose rest.

Because tomorrow, I’ll wake up to little hands reaching for me, a sleepy “Mama,” and a day full of love, chaos, and all the in-between moments that make this temporary single mom season both exhausting and beautiful.

*This was such a heartfelt time to reflect on my 3 month stint of being a temporary single mama, all while my husband was deployed for training.*
Written October 20th, 2024